GODLY MARRIAGES STILL EXIST, BUT WITH REALITY OF LIFE: PERIODS OF ADJUSTMENT

I had my dream honeymoon planned out to fly to Maui in the ocean blue view of Hawaii island with my husband for two solid weeks of romantic activities following our wedding eight years ago. Part of my 'newly wedded couple's plan' was to head home and start a smooth sail of life without any possibility of hitting a whale on my way together with this new friend that I've only known for six months of christian courtship. (By the way, courtship period is not enough to fully understand the nitty-gritty about your spouse who was raised from totally different background with different value system from yours[an article for another day.] Can you now see why you can't just change him/her overnight?

I would never had thought that any of my smooth sailing plans would be interrupted by any ocean wave until he received a notification on our wedding night that he would have to report to the field in Colorado the following Monday and that he would be shuttling between Colorado and New Mexico, a mandatory part of his MSc-->PhD program that his advisor suddenly pulled on him. I felt bewitched🤔; that left me asking "what have I gotten myself into?" Bro Kayode, why...?😀😀 He replied, "don't call me bro Kayode, I'm your husband." haha, first night of wedding 🤗!

Long story short I gave up on my dream honeymoon to head to Aurora Colorado where it was spent in the basement of one of the pastor's house; there my daughter was concieved, lol😂. (That was the only good option to save cost of living in an apartment.) After few weeks in Colorado I needed to travel back to Texas where I had my career well planned out without any desire to relocate since my income then was heavier to support us, and relocating to Colorado wasn't an option since he was only there temporarily. I felt the whole world was on my shoulder not understanding the uncertainty in marriage. In the midst of my wondering and confusion I knew I had to support his career pursuit for our unknown future, but that came with price. It means I would have to bear the inconveniences associated with carrying pregnancy alone without any one around to assist me. It means I have to continue my job in Texas since that was almost the only source of income and health insurance for my pregnancy. It means I have to live like a single but married until he achieves his career goals... before I knew four years were gone without being together 100% except for some weekends....was I feeling disappointed, frustrated within, lonely, cried on my knees? YES, but did these caused me to deny my husband of INTIMACY, RESPECT, SUBMISSIVENESS, CONSIDERATION, WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, not altering filthy words to attack his personality, etc.? NO. Was it easy for me? NO. Does this temporary inconvenience means he wasn't the will of God for me? NO, NO! WHY? Because as I seek to nurture my marriage in the way of the Lord I saw the NEED TO TEAM UP WITH THE AUTHOR OF MARRIAGE-GOD in order to fulfill His plans while I encourage my husband to complete his studies which I'm greatly benefiting from today. Today we have all the privilege to go on honeymoon to wherever we want. Today I can decide to quit corporate America to focus on something else completely if I so desire without that financial burden because he can take care of it 100% What if I didn't support him and I was three months in between two companies at some point in my career and he was able to carry the responsibilities alone? What if I refused to sacrifice the years of uncertainties and he ended up with no job and nothing to help with the kids education? What if I had carried the matter to friends and listen to their ungodly advise against my marriage? Just imagine the effects that my lack of willingness to be of support to him would have caused. Hmmm.

Today, an alarming number of young people have been misguided about marriage. Some are making choices based on the believe that everything must be PERFECT with the party before proposing even when the Holy Spirit is whispering, while others are simply discouraged about getting married. The so-called "christian feminists" who have infested social media are telling them there are no good marriages anymore, and no such thing as problems in marriage. They have portrayed marriage as a journey to the space without any experience of earthly problems. In addition to these unrealistic views there are young people with parents who are no longer married to each other after years. During their formative years they have lived through the relational breakup of the two most important people in their lives and they have been caught up in the dissolution of their family. They are far too familiar with marital disappointment, strife, and pain and it would be understandable if they have concluded that their sad experience is normative.

But if and when they encounter a few people like us who are happily married despite challenges, they’re drawn to it. Perhaps a little voice is whispering in their inner ears, “This is how it’s supposed to be!” This is why I shared the above story which my husband briefly mentioned in his birthday tribute to me a few days ago, to let you know that godly marriages still exist amidst problems that may come, and it is not a FAIRY TALE, even though some people get angry at me for sharing. Most of the time it's not what you had planned out that comes your way in marriage. This is why we must lower our expectations, play our parts and allow the word of God be our guiding principles. You will discover that it is a sweet journey in the end.

The FACT is, this new social generation is not telling you that traditional marriage encounters hard times as clearly illustrated by my experience, but don't be afraid if you are walking with the Author of it, God. The realistic marriage He has ordained is characterized by LOVE, SUBMISSION, FAITHFULNESS, MUTUAL ENRICHMENT, FORGIVENESS, SINCERITY, and GRACE. Take a look around you, these are falling off the radar screen of our culture today. And this is where we need to be reminded that it is in this kind of environment that examples of loving, joyful, long lasting and satisfying marital relationships are not only desperately needed, but are readily recognized and, as we have seen above, are frequently honored and admired from my family, but I HAVE PAID THE PRICE, THOUGH NOT YET ARRIVED! It might be a novel thought to some that in addition to a healthy marriage spelling out a fulfilled lifestyle, a marriage of this kind can light a candle in the darkness of our strange social cultural wasteland. And for the Jesus-follower this is surely part of our calling. What I have shared about my early marriage experience, of course, may not be the exact steps for some, but BIBLICAL principles will guide you if you allow it, but you can't be a godly wife and "christian ferminist" at the same time, sorry! Then comes the hard talk: you cannot understand and apply biblical requirements in your marriage if you don't have a relationship with God. So friend, allow His LOVE to saturate your life and every decision you make in your relationship with your spouse. You will experience that true love and fulfillment in your marriage, so that you can build a lasting legacy for the young people to follow. Come today, will you? He will accept you. Make restitution wherever necessary. Do away with the strangers in your life and stay closer to your spouse no matter what the challenges are, wheather the storm together by the grace of God.